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Jan. 5th, 2006 @ 01:51 pm help me save me m in pain missory
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
When razorblades replace hugs.
Today is not a good day.

I wish I could just poison myself, od, shoot myself in the throat or something. Its not fun being this hurt and confused. I hate myself right now. This feels like its a nigthmare and I just can't wake up...I fucking hate this. Its weird because one moment I will be like all upbeat and sugar high, then the next minute I will be all depressed and sad. I don't know what to do.

This hurts this just fucking hurts.



basicaly hwta napkin said
About this Entry
Oct. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:46 pm (no subject)
current:
• outfit:sweat pants and a grey shirt
• hairstyle:wet shower head
• jewelry:ringt neckless
• underwear:thong
• nail color:blue sparklespurpleblue color

do you:
• cut yourself:no
• lick yourself: no
• whine a lot: no sometimes
• yell a lot:yes
• hate a lot of people:yes
• have too many friends: yes
• want to die: no
• have a bf/gf:yes
• do drugs:no
• wear dark colors:yes
• dye your hair:yes
• shave strange places: no


have you ever:
• kissed someone:yes
• gotten drunk:no
• worn rainbow:no
• talked on the phone for over 3 hours:yes
• left the country: no
• had a party with over 30 people:yes
• taken nude pictures: no
• stolen something: yes
• caught something on fire: yes
• cheated on someone: no
• wanted to cheat on someone: no
• asked someone out:yes
• had a dream, then the next day it happens:yes

last person:
• you touched whats that suposed to mean ???lol
• you talked to:ian
• you hugged:nama
• you kissed:richard
• you instant messaged: napkin
• who broke your heart:slim

are you:
• understanding: yes
• open-minded:yes
• arrogant:no
• insecure:a lil
• interesting:yes
• hungry:yes
• smart: yes
• moody: shure
• childish: a little
• independent:yes
• hard working:ummmm shurte y not
• healthy:sorda doc say i am but i have alergies so im sick
• emotionally stable:....yes
• shy: i can be
• difficult: not realy
• attractive: yes
• bored easily:yes
• thirsty:yes
• obsessed:no
• angry: sorda yeah
sad: yes
• happy: not really
• trusting: yes
• ill: yes sorda alergies
• talkative:sometimes
• ignored: some times
• reliable:yes
• self-disciplined:
• sleepy: a lil
• lonely:not really

info about yourself:
• what is your birth name? megan ashley hollander
• what is your birthday?: may3 1990
• current age?:15
• do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes
• how tall are you?:5'6''
• shoe size?:9 1/2
• brothers/sisters?:1 borther
• job?:no

favorites:
• what is your favorite band?: that one band with that one guy
• color?:blue
• soda?: coke
• music?: a lot
• stores in the mall?:hot topic spencers
• ice cream?: cookie n cream
• roller coaster?: thta one at cerdar point
• candy?:shuger
• cd?: .....
• cookies?: chocolate chip
• juice?: favorite juice
• holiday?: christmas
• month?:july

in the last 48 hours:
• cried?:yes
• missed someone?:yes
• yelled at someone?:yes
• changed your underwear?:yes
• drove somewhere?:no
• talked to someone on the phone?:yes
• been online?:yes
• smiled?: yes
• had sex?: no
• kissed someone?:yes
• hugged someone?:yes
• last thing you ate?:poptart
• talked to an ugly person?:no

have you ever:
• been in love?:uhhhh not really
• kissed someone of the same sex: yes
• been in trouble with the police?: no
• hit someone?: yes
• broke something?: yes
• betrayed a friend?: yes
• played strip poker?: not yet
• skipped school?:sorda yes
• stole something?: yes
• shot a gun?:yes
• broke something important?:yes
• smoked weed?:no
• dyed your hair?: yes

okay last questions:
• what is sitting next to you?:the window and a door
• do you get along with your mother?:sometimes
• favorite sport?:softball and football
• are you gay/lesbian/bi/straight? straight
• been in a plane?:yes
• killed someone?:no
• kicked your cat for the hell of it?: yes
• slept during class?:yes
• cheated on a test?: yes
• what time is it now?:1238
• are you tired?:not ne more
About this Entry
Oct. 7th, 2005 @ 07:48 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
//5 things you are wearing right now:
- Hoodie
- sweat pants
- socks
- shorts
-shirt

//5 things you ate/drank in the last 24 hours:
- water
- pizza
- chocolate milk
- coke
- macken cheese

//5 things you did so far today:
- clean out my room
- talked to richard
- listened to music
- school
- made a power and point

//5 things you can hear right now:
- tv
- computer
- mom cleaning
- my birds
- me typing

//5 things you do when your bored:
- talk to people
- hang out with friends
- eat
- sit at the computer
- listen to music

//5 places to go in your area:
- school
- my backyard
- my house
- the mall
- richards or a friends

//4 people that never fail to cheer you up
- richard
- sam
- jessie
- jackie

//4 Things you cannot live without
- my phone
- my computer
- chocolate milk and coke and water
- any type of food that i like

//5 things you love
- richard
- my friends
- family
- my cliffie,pritches, and the new born peewee
- my socks

//5 of your favorite movies
- house on haunted hill
- ghost ship
- nightmare before christmas
- the corps bride
- cry wolf

//5 favorite songs [at present]
- almost -- bowling for soup-
- duality (sp?)--slipkont
- nicklechy-- this i swear
- american history x-- am hist X
- how do you get that lonly --blain larson




TEN random things you might not know about me

1: i day dream alot
2: im always sick
3: im a swimmer that doesntlike swimming
4: i ahte almost all of my frineds
5: i lvoe my boyfrined
6: i write poetry
7: i like to read
8: i cant consentrate when things are to quiet n i cant when poeple are talkign btu when my head phones are onmy head im of to consentrating
9: i lvoe getting surprises (good ones)
10: i lvoe flowers adn getting dirty

NINE places I've visited
1: Florida
2: Tennesse
3: Kentucky
4: Ohio
5: Georgia
6: pensilvania
7: canada
8: calorado
9: .mississippi (andmore)

EIGHT things I want to do before I die
1: Be a photographer
2: be happy
3: Get married
4: Have kids
5: Go to College
6: be a scientist
7: be a grandma
8: live long hard and happy
(not all in that order)

SEVEN ways to win my heart
1: Be Honest
2: Be yourself
3: Confide in me
4: Don't keep secrets from me
5: Trust me
6: Aknowledge im there
7: help me when i need it

SIX things I'm afraid of
1: getting blood taken loli dont mind shots so much
2: Being alone in this hous ehttas not my hous tahst i live in
3: Losing my -true- friends
4: loseing something i hoped and waited for ever toget
5: centipedes
6: dieing

FIVE things I don't like
1: people touching my b/f when i knwo thye like him
2: being sick
3: heart ache
4: Cheaters
5: people who wont tell me things,people to desperate,white girls (niggerlovers), and most of all posers that copy me

FOUR ways to turn me off
1: Lie
2: Cheat
3: piss me off
4: Be an asshole

THREE Things I do everyday
1: sleep
2: eat
3: bitch

TWO things I am trying not to do right now
1: be a bitch
2: not talk to richard

ONE thing on my mind right now
1: richard

-->Last things

Last thing you...
.: x ate- pizza
.: x saw- the hey board
.: x shoes you wore-my blue and green shoes lol
.: x watched on tv- uhhhh iunno the ring 2
.: x saw in a movie theater- cry wolf but im gonan go see exersism of emily rose in about 10 minutes
.: x wanted- food
.: x needed- food
.: x twisted- my hair tie
.: x listened to- my brother botch n wine bc i havent left yet
.: x squeezed- my blanket
.: x yelled at- my brother and my dad nad mom
.: x punched- uhh i think it was y wall about uhh a year ago
.: x taped- paperi think
.: x graded- paper

Last time you...
.: x cried- umm about yesterday
.: x yelled- about 5 mayeb 10 minutes ago
.: x smiled- a long while ago
.: x ate- taht was around 715
.: x changed clothes- yesterday
.: x slept- last night at like 10 till about 6 this morning
.: x worked out- lat time i swam
.: x played a game- ummm earler
.: x played a sport- im ina sport but eyah im sick so no swimmign for me
.: x went to the mall- a long while ago
.: x went to the movies- about a week or so ago and im about ot leave to go today
.: x ate fast food- afew days ago
.: x went to church- a long time ago
.: x talked to someone- few minuetsa go


---> You<3

Basics
.: x full name- megan ashley hollander
.: x height-5/6
.: x hair color-brown0
.: x real hair color- brown
.: x eye color- green
.: x birthday- may 3 1990
.: x age-15
.: x grade-10

Love-richard
wish you were taken by - richard curylo oh wait i already am lol haha i win
About this Entry
Sep. 7th, 2005 @ 07:28 pm fuck you biotch
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
well yeah past few weeks have beeokay i guess well yeah today i unno today is my omg lets be depressed day or soehting i unno right now i dont wanna have firend i wanna juts be alone i geuss i dont wanna hev to worrie about people saying hi or hugging people or even have ing to to worrie about soem one not liking me and in soem cases i could care less if i lost a friend yeah i would be liek well okay thast kinda gay but u no w.e i see it like this u dont wanna be my frined then dont u do then eyah gtreat not unless i liek hate u btu yeah thats not to many pople only when u piss me off when bobs commign to visit for a week .....btu eyah today i went to school sick as the toiletthen richgard like ignors me n talks to his friendss n all i was liek okay w/e n then when the bell rang he finally came over n picked me up off the floor iwas like yeah okay w/e i know this girl monika likes him a lot n ahhh she is sitting there tellign me she is so depressed n no one cared botu what she has to say n all that shit n yeah then she told me that she dosnt find to many things funny iw as like mmm ic n she was like yeah uhh shure ... iw as liek okay n im saying to my salef liek wtf is ur problem i know how u feel its called been there done that god damnit !!! but eyah ne ways me n richard where like yeah talkign the day ne time we could inbetween classes n everytime i would be by him there she was i mean yeah n after what she told me ....(whta she told me was later on after school) but yeah she was all smiling n stuff wen she was around richard n all that i was liek umm yeah rigth okay w.e n yeah i unno poeple piss me off oh yeah im depress im stairing to just not fucking care ne mor eim getting tired of it if u dont wanna tell me ewhy ur sad or w/e then dont evben bother telligng me ur sad or depressed or w/e geeeze if ur not gonan tell me why then i dotn care how ya feel i meansomeitmes its a big thing like cryign or very pissed por w/e btu yeah ne ways ... iunno i have a feeling she wants ta try to take richard away from me bc i can feel that she wants him bad but yeah i unno i feel like im talkign that those retarted peopel that i dont liek so yeha ill shut up but yeah iunno im just bored n pissed offn shit ut yeah w/e im out iunno ne more ......when i find something otu for myself i cant tell ne one ne ways so whast the point n finding it out ...........well yeah iunno im out


i LOVE richard

1*28**05***

yeah w/e comment if u even care n if u dont then gte the fuck out of my journal!! (lol) iwin
About this Entry
Aug. 23rd, 2005 @ 10:04 am :)
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
yester aday wen to swimming cam hom n eyah thats about it then yeah n yeah well this morening i texted my dad n yeah he has ignored me ever sence so yeah i unno what to do but yeahe i gtg to swimmgin to day then i need to go to open house to show jake where eveyrthing is lol n yeah me n my mom n dad argured about me goign to practic ebc i didnt wanan go bc i wantd to go meet my teachers and see where my locker is bc yeha .....n christine is speningg the night :) whooo lol well yeah im out


love yah richard


megan



:) awww look at that cute lil french fry )(he is mine u do not steal!!!!!
:D n that cute lil french fry is napkins u do not stele that one either :) lol
About this Entry
Aug. 20th, 2005 @ 11:08 am love nope cheater !!!mwahhhahahahahha
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
ahhh past few days been snooping aroudn n shit i might move i cryed last night n crap n yeah well richard is gonna rty to work things out now n yeah iunno hwats gonna happen but yeah i gtg me n sam i am are chilling





i lvoe you richard


megan
About this Entry
Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 04:42 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: draineddrained
woke up argured with lindsay n teri even no it was mine n lindsay arguemnt teri was all in bc she was beign gay n yeah now me n lindsay arnt friends n yeah then me n richard hung out n i went to swim practice then we went home my dad took richard home n then yeah went to the store n yeah lol but yeha then went to sleep wooke up to day n went to breakfast with dad n eyah went to swim practice n yeah it was prety gay i alomost threw up n yeah well yeah im home n i have to go back to swimmign at 7 -830 n i dotn wanna bc yeah my stomach wanan throw up n eyah well eyah im out ...



i lvoe you richard
About this Entry
Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 04:49 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: joe nichols - if nobody believed in you
me n richard didnt hangout yesterdya we fought over soem stuff n yeah juts liek alwasy we worked things out n im goignto hangout wiht him to nigth aroudn liek 5 or so we are gona watch the movie rose red iw anan buy tat movie i lkove it it was soo awsome :) but eyah ne ways i got bob today he is a week early n he pisses me off to no end lol haha but yeah iunno i was crying yesterday n my mom came in and yeha i didnt tell her whast was wrong btu yeah lol i have became soo week i cry o much damn it but yeah ne wasy my arm still hurt liek no other from that damn shot but yeah i unno ill let ya peeps no what happens to night when ever i get back on...... i lvoe him



megan :) (my smily)
About this Entry
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 03:08 pm napkins lol eheh
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Nose- ke3gan
Ear- mwav AV
Cheek- MCDE3 GWQ N
Tongue-MEGAN
Toes- megtan
Elbow- meghbaan
One Finger And Eyes Closed- mehan
Chin- degtvzan
Knuckles- megan
Lips- megan
Fingers- megan



ahahha im not that talented


btu its fun u peeps should try it
About this Entry
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 03:00 pm ass hole
Current Mood: depresseddepressed


MEGAN
M is for Mushy
E is for Ebullient
G is for Graceful
A is for Alert
N is for Neat





yeah well eystrday was okay talked to richard lastnihgt he got mad at his ister hen i went ot bed woke up got on the computer talekd to richard well afew miutes ago i told richard my deepest drakest secret n he got mad at me bc when he asked me abotu it lst iem i said i dotn no n yeah now im tell him n he think si fucked some guys n yeah so yeah even if i do tell the truth its just gonan blow right up in my face soo yeah n eh doesnt wanna come ove rto my house to talka bout it so i have to go over there but i dont wann astay cooped uo in a house all day n yeah mm then i have to chew slim out for somthin n yeah iunno it just a bad day n yeah .... :( well im out im prolynot doing ne hting to day soo eyah
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